State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Hippo gnu deer
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
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He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
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She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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