she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
