She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
