haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize
