I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
