I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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