Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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