Christians are straight up FREAKS
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
