i already hear my dad disowning me
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
