onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
