Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
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