**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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