We're facebook friends in real life
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
