between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
