did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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