I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
