I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
