You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
