Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
