we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
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