I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
