I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
