I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."