Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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