does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?