Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.