is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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