Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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