she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
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