I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
