the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
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