so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Randomize
