Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
