I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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