there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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