hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
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