just come out here and I will go home with you...
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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