If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
