Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
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