i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
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