...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
