naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
