The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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