you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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