my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
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