spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Randomize
