on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
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