I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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