It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
