I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Randomize