Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
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