i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
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We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
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Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I think my nap took me to another dimension
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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