You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
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