That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
