phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
