guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Randomize
