Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
