We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
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