Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Randomize
