remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Randomize
