just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
You brought string cheese to the strip club
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
