No stitches, just platelets and will power
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
So much rum. So many feels.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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