i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Randomize
