He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
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