I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
