Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
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