Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
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