I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
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It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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