The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Randomize
