I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
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