I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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