Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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