My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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