And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Blood and glitter go together right?
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
