I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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