No stitches, just platelets and will power
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
