I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ ðŸ‘ðŸ¼
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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