shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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