You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
