I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
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