When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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