i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
