life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
