Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
