What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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