cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
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i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
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