i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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